Tonight we’re presenting some of our most beloved, humorous, and explicit poems about Christmas night intimacy.
All are spoofs of the most classic Christmas poem of all time.
Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.
The Black Knight Before Christmas
by The Mad Splatter, recited by Sonia.
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse;
My panties were hung on the bedpost with care,
As my fingers parted my soft pussy hair.
My pussy I fingered while all snug in my bed,
As visions of huge cock danced in my head;
My tit in one hand, and squeezing my nip,
I moaned and I groaned, while my muff I did grip.
When out on the lawn I heard a faint sound,
I popped out my fingers from my wet and hot mound;
And naked away, to the window I dashed,
Tore open the drapes as the yard I did flash.
The moon on my breasts was a sight to behold,
Showed my smooth white skin and red nipples so bold.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But William, our black neighbor, who I’ve wanted all year,
With an ass like a rock and muscles so thick,
I knew in a moment I’d found my hard dick.
While rubbing my pussy I suddenly came,
As he whistled and shouted, and called me by name;
“Now, Susan, you minx, you hot little vixen!
It’s time that you knew what you’ve always been missin’!
From the tip of my rod to the sack of my balls
I’ll make you forget your drunk husband, Paul!”
His words, they made my fantasies fly;
And I slid both my hands between my wet thighs;
And started to spread and rub my bare lips
Now slick from the promise of a huge, black dick.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard a loud knock,
And knew at the front door awaited my cock.
I threw on my robe and sped down the stairs,
Hot for the stud who awaited me there.
When I opened the door, he wasted not a moment;
Entered the room and tore off my garment;
And dropped to his knees, put his face in my snatch;
My pussy lips burned, as hot as a match.
The nub of my clit he held tight in his teeth,
His fingers he rubbed on my slit just beneath;
I squeezed my huge tits, nipples dark as a cherry,
And his tongue was now stabbing my pussy so furry.
Hearing my breathing had become quite quick
He knew it was time to show me his prick.
He pulled down his pants and exposed his firm belly,
And his long, thick tool to which I said, “Oh, Billy!”
It was chubby and plump, and hard in my hand;
When it slid in my mouth, he barely could stand;
So a chair I soon found and gave him a seat;
I straddled his cock and ground on his meat.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled up my pussy, then came with a jerk,
And sliding his finger inside of my ass,
I came on his lap and slumped with a gasp.
I slid off his cock, and fell to the floor,
And licked the last drops of cum like a whore.
And he finally exclaimed, with my mouth on his rod,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good…oh, oh my God!!!”
And To All A Good Lay
by foehn. Recited by Connor.
’Twas the night before Christmas, and down in my drawers,
my creature was telling you, “Get on all fours!”
You’d already laid down your stockings with care,
and come to molest me in my easy chair.
The kids were all upstairs and sleeping at last,
and now it was “us” time; not slow, but not fast,
You unbuttoned my britches and pulled my pants down,
and up sprang my elf with his little pink crown.
He trembled and twitched with desire that was spastic,
desiring our session of love to be drastic.
Tenderly, gently caressing my shaft,
you leaned close to kiss it, just driving me daft!
By flickering firelight, its head disappeared,
when all of a sudden, the thing that I feared,
The most about Christmas Eve night came to pass,
as Santa Claus plopped on our fire, on his ass.
Our fire was extinguished and smoke filled the air,
as Santa jumped up with, a burning derriere.
I took in the view with a wilting erection,
and wondered “What’s wrong with our burglar detection?”
Santa was hopping and howling in hurt;
I pulled up your favorite plant from its dirt,
And taking the pot, knocking over my rum,
I ran up to rub, the wet soil on his bum.
The fire was put out, and the poor old elf sighed,
to think that this Christmas, he well could have died;
And when he spied you, collapsed naked and weeping,
I couldn’t help think, that he shouldn’t be peeping.
When I recognized the odd look on his face,
I reminded him, he had invaded our space.
“And now come to think of it, where are the toys?
“Surely you’ve brought some, for our little boys.”
I walked to the closet and chose a warm blanket,
to cover your butt with. (she wanted to spank it.)
He walked to the chimney, and reaching within,
unsnagged his bag, which fell down with a din.
“Quiet” I said: “Must you make such a clatter?”
He smiled just to say, “ that Nothing’s the matter,”
and then just to prove to me nothing was wrong,
he tossed you a shiny new silicone dong.
He stashed the boys’ presents, all under the tree,
and turning he gave me, a new DVD;
there were pictures of hot sexy, things on the case,
and one of them seemed to be wearing your face!
He gave a big wink, walked right out the door.
I locked it behind him and glanced at the floor.
where you looked so peaceful, all comfy and bare.
beneath the big blanket, now covering you there.
I stripped off my clothes, laid down at your side;
you were already giving, your new dong a ride!
And what had gone limp from our rude interruption,
now perked up quite nicely, and stood at attention.
I reached for your free hand and guided it where;
it could find my “north pole,” sticking out in the air.
and I heard Santa shout, as he left on his sleigh,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good lay!”
Her Night Before Christmas
by Ug. Recited by Natasha
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house.
No creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were worn by the woman with care,
She’d too much to drink, passed out on the chair.
The woman who should have been snug in her bed,
the whiskey and vodka, gone straight to her head.
And she lay there snoring, empty glass on the floor,
so drunk came she in, she’d forgotten the door.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Another drunk wandering, home in a stagger.
To her door he did wander, and gave it a push,
Then fell he inside when his foot caught a bush.
He spied a light on, in a room and did wander.
looked inside the door, and hence he did ponder.
Now who was this woman, sitting there in his chair.
This woman with such sexy flowing blonde hair.
He reached down to give, her shoulder a shake,
but the young buxom woman, just wouldn’t awake.
He tried a bit harder, and gave her a jostle.
which didn’t awake her, but made her breasts tossle.
The drunk seeing breasts, seductively quiver.
decided to cup one, still she did not shiver.
Now with his right hand, he slipped down her dress.
and finding her nipple, an interesting quest.
He moved his left hand, and placed on her thigh.
and feeling the silks, he pushed his hand high.
Over the stocking tops, onto warm skin,
to her panties and under, his fingers sank in.
He gripped at her panties, and pulled them aside.
and with his free hand, then parted her thighs.
And moving between, her legs he did shove.
Unzipping his pants, to fuck his new love.
He then pulled her ass, to the edge of the chair,
His dick found it’s way, through her pubic hair.
and into her pussy, his dick did so slam.
then pulled back slightly, to repeatedly ram.
He pounded her pussy, and groaned as he shoved.
Her pussy felt great, like a hot little glove.
She still was asleep, unaware of the world,
so he carried on fucking, his sweet Christmas girl.
He pushed her legs back, up over her head,
And deep in her womb, his pulsing dick fed.
He started to grunt, whilst having his fun.
Then into her belly, shot all of his cum.
He held himself still, til catching his breath,
and pulled out his dick, his balls had none left.
He wiped off his cock, on the hem of her dress,
and zipped himself up, though she was a mess.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to the door,
before looking round, til he finally swore.
“Oh fuck” he soon hissed, “this isn’t my home!”,
then crept from the house, and left her alone.
He swayed down a path, his legs wobbling so,
soon slipped on some ice, and landed in snow.
But I heard him exclaim, passing out like a light,
“Happy Christmas to all, and a fucking good-night!”
T’was The Night Before Christmas
by LostNlove. Recited by Emily.
It was the night before Christmas;
And all through my house.
The Candles were glowing;
And I was quite soused.
The fire was warm;
And so was the brandy.
As I wrapped up the gifts;
I was feeling quite randy.
I sat in my nightie;
Short silky and white.
Hoping when Santa showed;
He’d enjoy such a sight.
Then top of the stairs;
I heard a deep groan.
It sounded familiar;
I let out a moan.
I turned round to see;
And what do you know.
There stood my Santa;
His shaft in a bow.
I saw that red ribbon;
Round that cock so hard.
And jumped off the couch;
Without self regard.
When he saw I was tipsy;
He laughed and came down.
I untied that bow;
And wrapped my lips ‘round.
Oh, what a present!
I’m one happy wench.
I sucked it then faster;
my nipples he pinched.
I rose to my feet;
L and licking my lips.
Then, held mistletoe;
while he gave me a kiss.
We moved to the couch
Where he laid me back.
And thrust in his cock;
All the way to his sack.
When my hips rocked he said;
Oh You like that I see.”
I said, “Yes all though better;
On the floor on my knees.”
“No problem my dear;
Anything that you wish.
But first come here;
Give me one more kiss.”
I kissed his lips softly;
Then I got on the floor.
He teased so I begged;
“Santa please give me more.”
He lifted my nightie;
Up over my ass.
As he gave it a slap;
I let out a loud gasp.
“I’ve watched you this year;
You’re so naughty but nice.”
He shoved it in deep saying,
“Now, let’s do this twice!”
I slammed back against him,
As he slammed into me.
I didn’t yet notice;
Rug burns on my knees.
I moaned and I came;
my juices did flow.
he pounded yet faster;
deep as he could go.
I came then again;
and convulsed quite a bit.
My fingers pressed hard;
On my swollen clit.
As I came I could feel;
His dick start to swell.
He smacked on my ass;
And I let out a yell.
“For when you were naughty,
that will suffice.
and now here is something;
For when you’ve been nice.”
He grabbed my hips tight,
And his cock shot a pop.
I soon came again;
begging please do not stop.
His dick throbbed and squirted;
I thought I might scream.
Oh the wonderful pleasure;
Of Santa’s hot cream!
We collapsed on the floor,
His hands in my hair,
Then asleep by the fire,
Without any care.
As he was leaving;
Before the sunlight.
“Oh my darling;
You’re such a delight!”
Twats The Night Before Christmas
by VeryHappyHubby. Recited by Thomas.
Twas the night before Christmas and on our street block;
Nothing was stirring, except for my cock.
Her panties were hung by the chimney with care,
I had a good feeling she soon would be bare.
I was horny and naked all snug in my bed,
While visions of big boobs danced in my head.
With the wife in her nightie, and I full of luck,
I had my heart set on a Christmas eve fuck.
When out by the hearth there arose such a noise,
It sounded like girls and could not be boys.
Away to the Christmas tree I flew in the nude,
We might have guests, I couldn’t be rude.
Moonlight from the window cast a warm glow
And gave my firm cock a good reason to grow;
When, what should appear through my old reading glasses,
But eight college girls, and their really firm asses,
With little shy giggles, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment they wanted my dick.
I was shocked then thought, they had to be bluffing,
But I whistled and shouted, as they stripped down to nothing;
“I’m Dana I’m Heidi I’m Amber I’m Shelly!
I’m Ali I’m Erin I’m Stephie I’m Nellie!
From their g-strings and bras that they bought at the mall,
They stripped And Stripped And stripped it off all!”
There were eight pairs of tits and pussies to match,
My big throbbing cock, wanted a piece of this snatch;
So before me now stood, eight naked co-eds,
I was anxious to learn who would first give me head;
And then with a smile, Amber sought for my dick,
The rest formed a line, as she gave me a lick.
Each girl sucked my cock, as I fondled her tits,
While each girl behind her all played with her clit.
My wife dressed in fur, from her tits to her crotch,
Said this was from her, and she wanted to watch;
A sack full of toys she brought for the girls,
It was full of vibrators with one made of pearls
Their eyes how they twinkled, Their pussies how merry!
Their tits were like melons, their clits like a cherry!
The girls grabbed their vibes, as I sat on the floor,
They pleasured each other, but all wanted more.
Each girl took a turn and came over to me,
They mounted my cock by the light of the tree.
Some fucked me quite slow, and some fucked me fast,
My biggest concern was how long I would last.
Their boobies were big and their pussies were wet,
I had fucked them all but I wasn’t done yet.
With a wink of her eye and a squeeze of her breast,
My wife let me know that she would be next.
They spoke not a word, gathered ‘round real quick,
and watched how it’s done, as my wife worked my dick.
She lowered her pussy right onto my rod,
We fucked and we fucked, as I shot out my wad.
Of all the pussies my wife’s was the best,
My cock was now tired and needed a rest.
With my wife still horny, and claiming it’s early,
She climbed off of me, and reached for a girly.
She licked every breast and sucked evry nipple,
My smile was so big and showed off my dimple.
She moved to their clits, and then one by one,
Each girl did orgasm, until they were done.
With evry girl limp and could take nothing more,
They eventually dressed and went for the door.
But I heard my wife shout, ere they drove out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all, see you tomorrow night.”
Tinder Christmas Eve
By HarryDNewhouse Recited by Aria
Twas the night before Christmas, nothing good on TV.
So I went onto tinder, feeling kind of hornie.
My kinky companion, was up for some fun.
I sent him a message, to tell him he’d won.
“Christmas gift wanted, I live all alone.
No soul to consort, but my cat and my phone.
I want you to dress, in the robes of St Nick.
I’ve been very naughty, so don’t make it quick.
There’s a window unlocked, in the room at the back.
It opens with ease, for you and your sack.
I’m off to sleep now, in my sexy silk nighty.
Oh and by the way, I can get a bit fighty!”
A mince pie and brandy were left on the table.
Along with a note, ‘Fuck hard if you’re able!’
Well imagine my shock, when later that night.
I’m rudely awakened, by hands grasping tight.
My mouth was all covered, a beard scratched my ear.
‘Santa’s here slut, and you’re going to pay dear’
I struggled beneath him, but couldn’t get free.
His breath was mince pies, with a hint of sherry.
Was gagged by the stocking, I’d hung with such pride.
Wrists tied with red ribbon, as I lay on my side.
My night dress was lifted, my body left bare.
Face pushed in the pillows, firm hand held my hair.
The slap to my bottom, made me stifle a moan.
Spanked by a man, who’d invaded my home.
By the tenth I was writhing, all tingling and sore.
If not for the stocking I’d be begging for more.
Many strikes later, he decided to rise.
I then felt hot wax, drip onto my thighs.
It seemed like forever, He toyed with me there.
Pain mixed with pleasure, in well-practiced flair.
‘You’re such a bad girl, you deserve only coal.
Now open your legs, and I’ll choose me a hole’.
Candy-cane in my ass, was a tingling surprise.
A wide one at that, brought tears to my eyes.
Removing his belt, pants fell to the floor.
‘Here’s Santa’s north pole, now take it you whore!’
His cock drove me wild, and I churned and I shuddered.
‘I’ll ruin you slut’, was all that he muttered.
Pulled up on my knees, he pounded and pounded.
Fapping & clapping, his testicles sounded.
A Christmas orgasm, is always quite nice.
We had many that night, and disturbed all the mice.
Exhausted and broken, my hands were untied.
He reclaimed his trousers, and away he did ride.
But before you should ask, ‘was this only a dream?’
I awoke the next morning, to signs that I’ve seen.
A candy cane sat, in a drained brandy glass.
And I knew it was real, from the pain in my ass.
Beside hung a stocking, so full and so swollen.
Coal was its contents, my innocence stolen.
I yet was astonished, on tinder to find.
‘Sorry I can’t make it, I hope you don’t mind’.
Thus read the message, from my kinky friend.
That beard did seem real, Happy Christmas, The End.
NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS: PARODY
By Eurika. Recited by Ryan
Twas the Night Before Christmas, and all through the house’
Downstairs I was yearning, and clicking my mouse.
Her stockings were flung on the end of the table,
But I was alone watching porn over cable.
I pulled out the lotion and rubbing my cock.
To shoot my load in an old ragged sock.
From the upstairs, came a noise so gay,
I jumped from my chair, seeking some randy play.
I dashed to the bedroom, flung open the door’
to see my wife kneeling, down on the floor.
For a moment, arose such a hot burning,
Seeing my lusty wife, my anger was churning.
A little old man, she was sucking his dick.
He was dressed in all red, Oh God it’s Saint Nick.
His eyes were a twinkle, his cheeks were all red.
My wife was below him, and giving him head.
She stopped rather quickly, looked worried & caught.
I wasn’t upset though. I thought it was hot!
He said, “I have checked, I checked my list twice.
She has been a bad girl, but you’ve been quite nice.”
I gave them a smile, and nodded my head,
Then old Saint Nick took her, and threw her in bed.
He pulled off her nightgown, her boobs bouncing free,
He turned her round so she, was looking at me.
Her eyes grew much bigger, as he gave a lick,
She moaned rather loudly, when he pushed in dick.
At first he was slow, til she started to cum.
He then fucked her hard, until she was done.
He rubbed her bare ass, and gave it a smack,
And then pulled out shooting, his load on her back.
He gave a thick laugh, and a jolly, “Ho ho.”
He pulled up his pants, and started to go.
“Thanks for the quicky, alas I must leave.
It’ll be a long night, many more wives to see.”
Out of his sack, he pulled a sex toy,
we giggled in glee, and both filled with joy.
We looked out the window, her pussy still wet.
he got in his sleigh, then took off like a jet
I squeezed her ass hard, in the pale moonlight.
She owed me a threesome, Damn what a night!“
Kay’s Christmas Worship
By drive me wilder. Recited by Clara
Twas the night before Christmas, and the family was fed.
Now Kay on her knees, gave Troy some great head.
Kay fondled his balls, as he slurped and she licked,
Giving him love, as they waited for Nick.
Teasing his tip, then taking him deep.
Both knew that this night, they’d not get much sleep.
Laid out on his back, and watching her bob.
His bride and her mouth, now licking his knob.
It shined and it glistened, all covered in spit.
She loves this good man, and she’ll never quit.
Now standing and kneeling, a new point of view.
Her loving like this, is giving and true.
Her hair in his hands, he guides her full stroke.
Sometimes very deep, without any choke.
Her fingers they tickle, then fondle a ball.
He’s one lucky man, tonight he stands tall.
Picking the pace up, and starting to moan.
There’s no stopping now, he’s in the hot zone.
It’s starting to build, there is no turning back.
His spunk is preparing, to leave his nutsack.
Rope after rope, His love juice explodes.
And lands on her tongue, in hot heavy loads.
And looking at him, with those loving eyes.
His love for this woman, for her he would die.
His babyfood hangs, off her chin and her nose,
A squeeze of her tits, since they’re wearing no clothes.
She closes her mouth, He knows what’s to follow,
One look at her throat, as she tilts back and swallows.
She worships his cock, her love pole her toy.
She stands and he holds her, his heart full of joy.
For now it’s all over, his heart is in bliss.
More sweet dreams await, while they both reminisce.
Donna’s Night Before Christmas
By Gaurd. Recited by Molly.
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house.
Not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse.
My stockings seductively, laid on the chair,
In vain hope he’d take me, right then and there.
But he was all snuggled, and tucked up in bed.
While visions of fucking, danced in my head.
Despite my silk teddy, the impotent chap!
Had whiskeyed his brains, for a long winter’s nap.
When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter.
I sprang from the bed, to see what’s the matter.
Despite my attire, to the window I flew.
Whoever was out there, sure got a nice view.
In the glowing full-moon, my breasts were on show.
I sure looked seductive, when viewed from below.
And what to my wondering, eyes could I see.
But a jolly odd man, gripped staring at me.
I thought for a moment, my mind played a trick.
But I knew at that moment, it must be St Nick.
More rapid than eagles, and then to my shame.
He whistled and shouted, and called out my name!
"Now dash to it Donna, my darling my cupid.
Come on my vixen, don’t try to look stupid.
Come down to the porch! And open the door!
Now dash and come down! I want to see more!
With a shake of the head, I pulled closed the curtain,
I must have been dreaming, of that I was certain.
Despite my frustration, I got back to bed.
'Twas then that I heard, some noise overhead!
I flew out of bed, downstairs made my way.
Dressed in no more than, my pink negligée.
Then To my amazement, In trembling I found.
The chimney shoot creature, came down with a bound.
He dressed all in fur, from his head to his toe.
Whilst me in my silkies, gave him quite a show!
Up I was bundled, and flung on my back.
He open his suit, and showed me his sack.
His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
It looked he’d already, been hard at the sherry!
My eyes were drawn downward, to the big bulge below.
My best Christmas gift, he presented to show.
The shaft of his cock, was long & was chubby.
Much longer and thicker, than that of my hubby.
But a wink of his eye, and a twist of his head.
Soon gave me to know, I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work.
Grabbed hold of my panties, & gave them a jerk.
He pulled the damp crotch. moved to the one side.
He filled up my cunny, I stretched open wide!
His gift was so large, I nearly had cried.
I came more than once, from his big woody ride.
And then out he pulled, and over my belly.
He shook and he blasted, as out came his jelly!
He sprang to his feet, got back in his gear.
And then up he flew, to his waiting reindeer.
And I heard him exclaim, as his team flew away.
"Merry Christmas Donna, you’re such a good lay!”
